Hello,

I have been a Catholic my whole life.  I fell away from attending church regularly during my teen years, while going to college.  My mom passed away when I was a young adult.  During this time, I had a re-version and became active in my faith, going to weekly Mass, and becoming involved in the church.   As I began having children, I started to struggle with a lot of wounds that I had collected since my early childhood and those open wounds limited me on how much I was able to receive and give love.  This definitely took a toll on my relationship with God and those I loved and those that loved me.  I was very self-reliant and a control freak.  When my life spun out of my control almost four years ago, I was lost! I had believed a lot of lies Satan had spoke to me and I found myself in a heavy spiritual battle and staring death in the eyes with my physical health.

 

During this time I hadn't missed a weekly mass in ten years or more, was going to Confession every three months and was volunteering when I had the time.  But, looking back my control, my wounds and my unconfessed sins are what led to my fall.  You see God doesn't want a "false" sense  of us, one that looks good all wrapped in a pretty package.  He wants our true self!  He wants our brokenness!  We can't fix ourselves, we have to surrender and let Him have all those broken places so He can bring beauty from our ashes.  

 

I reached out for help and God put so many beautiful people in my life.  They crawled down in the pit and prayed and stayed with me until I was well enough to be lifted out.  It's been quite a long painful, but joyous road!  

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So I began my second re-version as I began going to Mass daily and receiving the sacraments on a frequent basis.  God brought me doctors who were able to diagnose and treat me. God showed me all the things I had hidden from Him and myself.  Little by little I was able to let God in these dark places and allow Him to spiritually and emotionally heal me. 

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There were many steps and many people that were a part of my healing.  Strangers, new found friends, priests, old friends, family, the saints, and my guardian angel.  There are so many stories to tell!  But, the biggest step in my healing was meeting Jesus and Mary!

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I went to a healing service and when I touched the ciborium that held the Eucharist, I literally left the here and now!  I was in a place where there was just Jesus, just me and just His love!  I had this understanding that the place we were in was as big as the universe, itself.  But, Jesus's love is so big that nothing else could be present, because His love is so massive!  The love coming from Him was so intense, so massive, so enormous I thought I was going to die, because it flattened me!  I don't know else how to explain it!  As I lay with Him on the cross He filled me with His love.  No words were said and I couldn't open my eyes.  I eventually fell off the cross and was whisked away by our Blessed Mother, Mary.  She took me and held me like a baby.  I was holding on for dear life, as I just saw Jesus, I was feeling so overwhelmed and in utter shock.  As she held and consoled me I felt so safe and  loved!  I still couldn't open my eyes and I felt another person sit beside me and I recognized her voice as my mom, who died almost thirty years ago!  She asked Mary if she could hold me.  My mom then held me and consoled me until I felt the presence of Jesus in front of me.  I opened my eyes and the priest was standing in front of me holding the Eucharist in the ciborium in front of me, again.  I touched it and Jesus  was standing in front of me telling me how He loved me and to go in peace.  When I let go, I was able to see that the women next to me weren't  really Mary and my mom, they were friends I knew.  I am forever changed  by the profound experience!  That was  biggest part to my healing and something I will never forget!  

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Understanding how much God loves us is what I needed to be spiritually and emotionally healed!    His love has given me healing, joy and hope! This new intimacy gives me strength to carry on with being  chronically ill.  I pray as you spend time here, you find some grace that blesses you, too! 

Peace,

Lisa Johnson

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